If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
