Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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