We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
