i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
