Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
