but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
