i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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