Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
