the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
