Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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