I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
