Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
