just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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