@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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