Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
