so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
