He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
