i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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