Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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