I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We just shotgunned beers for America
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
