i was born a porn star she said
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
