guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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