god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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