I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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