oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
