one two three fourrrrnication!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
