Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Text me some of your sweat
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
