I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
