found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
