If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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