the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
