that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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