what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
