I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
