The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
