Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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