I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
