No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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