Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
