sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
