Pants 0. Shit 1.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
