i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
