I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
