I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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