I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The air taste purple.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
