life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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