Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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