Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
