i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
