My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
